the bridge of lost desires

click on the image to see the fun. check out the event here:...

Fri, 18 Nov 2011 20:29:27 -0500

click on the image to see the fun.

check out the event here: http://www.facebook.com/events/148541898579345/#!/events/148541898579345/

i remember the summer of 2003, when i moved back to the district...

Wed, 27 Jul 2011 13:02:00 -0400

i remember the summer of 2003, when i moved back to the district from a short stint in tucson, happy to be back with my communities in the soggy heat. i had just begun to learn about radio reporting, recording, and audio production, when the murders and attacks began. a young latina trans women murdered not far from our neighborhood; a young african american trans woman shot almost to death near the stroll downtown (yes, where the condos and busboys & poets are now); another young african american trans woman killed on malcolm x ave in southeast. and during that two week time, scores of reports of violence — extremely high levels of brutality even for the regularly under-siege trans female community of dc.

the violence and the killings sparked a lot of activity, which was a great response. there were marches and vigils, new organizations emerged, people advocated for change. there was a push for added legal protections for trans people in the city, and an effort to stop new anti-prostitution legislation that seemed meant to institutionalize further anti-trans bias in enforcement of prostitution laws. the former succeeded, the latter failed, and due in part to the new “prostitution free zones” the police successfully pushed most trans women out of the historical stroll of 5th and k streets nw to the edge of the district where east capitol ave bumps into the maryland border.

that brought a new wave of violence, as these areas along the periphery of the city were isolated, and trans women working or socializing there reported being shot, stabbed, raped, hit with bricks from passing cars, and more. but as one city council member said at the time, the goal was to “push prostitution into maryland, so it’s no longer our problem.”

these were some of the things running through my mind when i went to the vigil this weekend for Lashai McLean, who was murdered last week just a few blocks for the district’s easternmost point. i was thinking about the march to the scene of a murder in 2003 where dozens of people chanted for justice. i was thinking of a vigil for another victim east of the river attended by far fewer people. i was thinking of how close i was to the community, how in the mix i used to be, and now i’m barely in touch with these people who helped bring me up as a young woman. how i can’t remember the last time i saw shay, who i didn’t really know, but saw around at support groups and events and such.

and i was thinking about a question asked on twitter — why is dc such a dangerous place for black trans women? and what is the relation between this violence, discrimination against trans women (and trans people more broadly), and the quest to “rid the streets” of sex workers?

i agree with the dc trans coalition that no assumptions should be made about what McLean was doing when she was killed — just because she was trans and near a stroll, doesn’t mean she was doing sex work. but SO WHAT IF SHE WAS??? i am so sick of it being ok to shoot, stab, rape, rob, beat, and murder people exchanging sexual services for money or other compensation. why can’t we complicate our critique (which DCTC does, to an extent) and commit ourselves to opposing anti-trans violence, stereotypes that all trans women are sex workers, AND anti-sex worker bias/violence?

i am tired of trans women talking shit about other trans women who engage in sex work. yes we need more options for making a living, but we also need the options that are open to us to be free of violence and discrimination. trans women’s lives — particularly those of trans women of color (since people of color are rendered disposable by white supremacy) — are deemed worthless, not only because we are transgender, but also because we are assumed to be sex workers — another class of people whose lives do not matter as much as others’. i do not think we can separate violence and hatred against trans women from violence and hatred against sex workers as neatly as some would like to think. and that cuts both ways — simply decriminalizing sex work will not fully address violence against of trans women in sex work. rest assured the violence and hatred is bigger than this too — i’ll never forget a good friend and rising leader who died because she stopped going to the hospital and taking HIV meds because of the harassment she experienced every time she went.

violence comes in many forms and affects us for many reasons. if we can’t hold all of that as we try to stop it, we won’t succeed.

—

meanwhile, in new york, a terrible new law is set to go into effect.

this is flores de chablekal by sonora yucateca (orquestra...

Tue, 12 Jul 2011 12:56:00 -0400

this is flores de chablekal by sonora yucateca (orquestra jaranera) from a cd with the same name as the song.

last week mothershiester and i were in my favorite-named mexican state — quintana roo. we were hanging out in the “riviera maya” spending some quality time together, exploring the jungle and the beaches, eating amazing shrimp tacos, and listening to tunes. in the middle of the forest outside of akumal, adventure tour workers were listening to a wisin y yandel joint that tastefully (ha!) incorporated bed-springs creaking into the instrumentation, there was bob marley at a taco shack, and we picked up some cds of jarana yucateca at a stall in cancún. perhaps you already knew, but cancún was chosen as a new area to be developed specifically for tourism by the mexican gov’t back in the 70s, and the name in mayan means “pit of snakes.” until that time, quintana roo was a territory, not an actual state, and avoided by most mestizos as a lingering legacy of the 1800s caste wars in which mayan peasants rose up and murdered many of the mestizo/spanish plantation owners who were exploiting them.

jaranas yucatecas are sweet songs that remind me of circus music, banda, son jarocho, cumbia, and yet are so much more. i’ve been enjoying them and look forward to learning more about where they come from, who makes them, and what their history is.

jesus with a bandolier. tulum, mexico.

Wed, 06 Jul 2011 02:26:00 -0400

jesus with a bandolier. tulum, mexico.

tonight is my first attempt to organize a party on my own, with lots of help from people, but...

Sat, 02 Jul 2011 15:33:31 -0400

tonight is my first attempt to organize a party on my own, with lots of help from people, but ultimately with my vision, my hustle, and my djing. i am lucky enough to have the amazing DJ MaFe joining me for the inaugural edition (or perhaps the one-off event) of diasporas — a dance party musical tour around the globe. one of my favorite things to do as a dj is to try to explore the relationships between different kinds of music, thinking about music as it relates to people, and telling stories through song selections that span time and location. we’ll see how it goes off tonight. if you’re in dc, come through!

and save the date for next weekend when the amazing BACKDOOR returns after a hiatus. i really enjoyed making this flyer, and can’t wait for the party.

there is something very special about organizing a party and djing with my crew. it’s an important experience that helps me grow as a person and a dj, and it’s been too long. plus so many people have thanked us for creating this unique space in dc nightlife. there are many attributes to it, but some of the beautiful parts of our effort for space without harassment, creating a welcoming feeling for everyone, having a diverse crowd, and exposing people to new music while having a blast on the dance floor.

speaking of creating new spaces, maracuyeah has been creating them as well, and will do so again on july 14 when we host zuzuka poderosa (with dj king louie of peligrosa) and the el freaky dj collective from colombia. if the turnout and experience of chancha via circuito is any hint, this will be phenomenal.

i just put this song, along with a post about the allied media...

Sat, 25 Jun 2011 10:42:00 -0400

i just put this song, along with a post about the allied media conference, over at dutty artz. it’s a tune i’ll be including in my part of the dj geekout presentation that is happening today — my focus is on the travels of “dem bow” throughout the caribbean and its intersections with my personal dj history. there will be nine other amazing parts of our presentation, and i’m really looking forward to it.

so far, being at the amc has pretty much lived up to expectations. it’s my first time, after years of cajoling from friends who have wanted me to come. one of the best moments so far was when i got to the conference fresh off the plane and was debating if i should go to a workshop, but saw a really good friend who i don’t see often and we had a great chat over coffee about media, politics, organizing, and more.

i had forgotten that wonderful part of going to conferences where you get to have intense awesome conversations with friends old and new. we were talking yesterday about a decade ago, a time when my friend and i were deeply involved in mass mobilizing against globalization/capitalism, and the independent media center movement. we wondered what happened that made that effort fizzle out? why are there so few places for truly radical journalism these days — and not just commentary but news. this came from her preparation for a session later that day on “decolonizing journalism” where folks talked about the challenges of working in newsrooms whether alternative or corporate.

it made me reflect on how lucky we are in dc to have the amazing resource of radio cpr, and how a big part of its staring power is not only the community buy-in and support but the resources of the location where we have our studio and transmitter. it takes resources not only to be on the air, but also to do things like news reporting, so that is one explanation of what happened — there weren’t enough resources put toward the news aspect. yet it made me inspired to work toward getting the resources for doing more news on radio cpr.

one great moment in the session came when another friend mentioned the “fetishism of objectivity” that exists, and the correlary that women (POC, LGBT, immigrant, etc) are therefore reporting from an inherently “subjective” perspective. i know i’ve thought and read and talked and written about that before, but it felt very fresh and important to remember.

this weekend brought the “2nd annual” collaboration...

Mon, 13 Jun 2011 23:38:55 -0400

this weekend brought the “2nd annual” collaboration between anthology of booty and the rad ladies of she.rex for pride weekend — creating the “booty.rex” party. it was an incredible combination of like 10 djs playing on two floors at chief ike’s, she.rex’s regular locale. since backdoor has been on hiatus as we look for new digs, it was fun to have a big blow out jam with the whole crew, as well as all these other amazing djs who we love. it being in adams morgan though, there were some interesting moments — especially since the she.rex party is usually just upstairs and on friday we also took over the normally “straight” downstairs of the club. at one time i had to tell a group of guys to stop trying to dance with myself and my friend, informing them “everyone is gay here. the only people who will want to dance with you would be guys, and they probably don’t think you’re cute.” they left, so i thought problem solved.

alas, no. later in the night they were back, harassing three girls who were dancing together (she.rex is a girl-oriented party, though definitely mixed gender, and ladies were in the majority). i wasn’t sure how the girls felt about it, so i waited until i could ask one of them, and when i learned unsurprisingly that they were annoyed, i went and got security. only two of the guys left then, however, so when their two other friends reappeared trying to talk to the same three girls, i intervened, grabbed the one guy’s face, and told him to get the fuck out. aside from that the night went off without a hitch, i believe.

both last night and on thursday we are having fundraiser events to help folks from DC make it out to Detroit later this month for the Allied Media Conference, which i am so excited to be attending for the first time. a huge crew from Radio CPR is going, plus folks with our little informally dubbed “dj geekout” crew. at the dj geekouts, we take like 10 minutes or so to give a short presentation about some music we like, while playing some, talking about its relation to us and/or its history, or whatever. we are doing a version of this at the conference, which should be really fun, and for those that aren’t making it to Detroit, we will be doing a dress rehearsal of it on thursday at our fundraiser at 4004 16th st nw from 6-9:30. plus sangria!

lastly, i’m djing next monday at “fort fringe” at 6th and new york ave from 5:30-11, as they kick of selling tickets for this year’s fringe festival. more dj party excitement to come soon as well as interviews with los rakas and calle 13 which are long overdue to be posted!

i guess we’ve gone from moombahton to bro-ombahton. the...

Mon, 06 Jun 2011 12:09:00 -0400

blow your head comp cover art

flyer art for the album release party

i guess we’ve gone from moombahton to bro-ombahton. the genre has been dominated by some classical big shot dude djs from the get, but honestly, having interacted with dave nada, he seemed sweet and not on the same level in terms of the celeb-dj, dudely-ness. but just a quick look at the twitter timelines and the artwork associated with a lot of these moombahton producers, you see it’s just the latest old-boys club, which is sadly unsurprising.

although at first, i found moombahton to be a creative new thing, it has quickly come to be really repetitive, and in reading this review of “blow your head” (the new compilation presented by nada on mad decent) i found myself agreeing with a lot of what the author had to say about the genre. none the less, i think there are some real gems, there is some real creativity going on, which begs the question — why use something so un-creative as a pic of women’s boobs in your advertising for the genre? it’s deeply disappointing to me.

sure, sex can be used to sell many things. as i’ve said before, i think sex should be used to sell sex, or sexual experiences. and music can be very sexy and sexual, but putting titties on the front of your album is not likely to sell ore cds or mp3s, is it? if so, then what’s the point? it feels juvenile and unoriginal, copying a thousand and one flyers and cover art from before. if it’s supposed to be ironic, it’s lost in the boys-world that is dj culture and particularly moombahton — of the many producers on the blow your head comp, i don’t think any is female, though there are a number of female vocals. here’s hoping they got paid and not just used.

at the end of the day, the bro’d out nature of moombahton is turning people off. particularly rad, perhaps not well know, but super creative female djs and producers, and who knows who else. this is hardly unique to moombahton, plenty of genres of music are using this same imagery. i guess it just feels a bit different when it’s supposed to be something “underground” or “independent” because it just ends up looking like the same old shit. it would be nice to see some venerable celeb-djs call out this behavior. ~~in the meantime, i’ll be playing a lot less moombahton in my sets.~~ i take that back, i mean, i play tons of terribly sexist booty bass, reggaeton, etc, so i guess i’ll just be less excited about moombahton.

Moral High Ground: 86 the Violence

Sat, 19 Mar 2011 06:36:24 -0400

Moral High Ground: 86 the Violence:

moralhighground:

Sex worker rights advocates gathered in Union Square at 2.30 pm today for a public art action in support of recommendation 86 which was recently accepted by the US government as part of the Universal Periodic Review at the UN Human Rights Council in Geneva. Recommendation 86 requires the that US…

http://webcast.un.org/ramgen/ondemand/conferences/unhrc/sixteenth/hrc110318pm1-eng.rm?start=01:02:51&end=01:04:52

Fri, 18 Mar 2011 16:50:00 -0400

http://webcast.un.org/ramgen/ondemand/conferences/unhrc/sixteenth/hrc110318pm1-eng.rm?start=01:02:51&end=01:04:52:

[link above is to my statement at the UN human rights council today]

so some context for that last photo. today the united states made its report to the united nations human rights council on its response to the “universal periodic review” (UPR) – a new process at UN HRC that reviews the human rights records of countries every four years. i wrote about this back in november when i was in geneva for the beginning of the process (when countries made recommendations to the united states) so have a look back at that if you like.

the photo is from a demonstration in nyc which was in response to a call from sex worker groups to mark this day b/c the united states actually accepted a recommendation from uruguay to address violence and discrimination against sex workers as a human rights issue. the exact text from the US was: “we agree that no one should face violence or discrimination in access to public services based on sexual orientation or their status as a person in prostitution.” this was (i believe) the first time that sex workers’ rights were affirmed at the UN human rights council. certainly the first time by the US. it represents a shift in policy (or at least language) by the US – they didn’t rely on the typical anti-sex work language in the name of anti-trafficking that has marked past US statements on the international level. even when the delegation was discussing the recommendations they received on labor rights and trafficking, they still did not fall back onto the same old line. it is just language, in a way, but like foucault said, language is power, and this represents a real change in power. it is entirely possible that the anti-sex work activists were simply not in the house or not lobbying so maybe we will see a backlash, but (it seems, at least) that we have built some actual relationships at the state department and can leverage that to make some change. which is a phenomenal concept.

as part of the US report today, just as with any UPR report, NGOs had an opportunity to speak (as did states). i was fortunate enough to be one of the ten speakers – which is a story in itself that perhaps i’ll tell another day. i tried to find a line between forcefully calling on the government to follow up on its words with actions and making them feel good about what they had done – it seems i may have succeeded, according to both my colleagues and the attitude of the members of the US delegation towards me afterwards. i do have to say that the government made a very impressive effort to be open and transparent with this process, which is exciting by itself. after the report adoption, the US delegation (or some of them at least) had a very intimate sit down meeting with US NGOs and it was a really interesting conversation. i appreciate those who criticized the process and/or the outcomes, as well as the amount of appreciation in the room – the delegation seemed quite willing to take critique and talk about next steps. as much as i might criticize the obama administration, i have to say that i can’t imagine anything like this happening under bush or perhaps even clinton (not old enough to really know!) and it’s a real testament, in my opinion, that they went about this process in such an open way. for sure there were plenty of problems, but on the average i would say that not only was the process positive but also the outcome.

melissa: Sex worker art action in support of human rights...

Fri, 18 Mar 2011 16:06:08 -0400

melissa:

Sex worker art action in support of human rights (Taken with Instagram at Union Square)

after extended dormancy, i’m breathing life back into this...

Mon, 21 Feb 2011 14:53:49 -0500

after extended dormancy, i’m breathing life back into this blog.

lots to write about, lots on my mind, but one of the best things about being back in dc is the amazing crew of folks i run with. amazing crew that throws the most incredible parties. one of the legendary Radio CPR 97.5 fm fundraiser house parties is happening this weekend — after a showcase of local live musical acts and some CPR djs. if you are in dc, this is not to be missed.

talking about champeta an highlife and soukous made me want to listen to this mix i made a couple...

Sun, 09 Jan 2011 07:01:18 -0500

talking about champeta an highlife and soukous made me want to listen to this mix i made a couple years ago.

Dj Bent Dance The Summer Of Pain Away Mix by Djbent on Mixcloud

another song that i don’t know much about — i love...

Sun, 09 Jan 2011 06:38:16 -0500

another song that i don’t know much about — i love champeta thanks to the amazing j-lu who gave me this track and many others, most of them, sadly, without names! this called “pista 6” from an artist “champeteros” album “nuevo título”!

i really really love champeta. i guess some day i can type more, but part of what is amazing is that some of it is so similar to west african pop like highlife and central african pop like soukous. in some of these tracks from “champeteros” though, there’s much more of a dancehall/dembow sound. one of my favorite elements of most champeta i’ve heard is what i originally thought was a sample of a dog barking, and then realized it’s a record being scratched, but i still think of a little dog barking every time i hear it.

it seems like you can’t download these tracks from tumblr, but i’m happy to send them to you if you want any of them! and i promise that more real content is coming soon. got some thoughts percolating in my head about rita indiana, numero uno, omega, chaka demus and pliers, playero, and more.

All I can tell you about this song is that it is track number...

Sat, 08 Jan 2011 05:38:00 -0500

All I can tell you about this song is that it is track number six off a CD called “Top 6 Movies” that I bought in a Bangladeshi video rental shop in Lavapies. And that I like it.

Real content coming soon, apologies again for the absence.

Also, I made some changes to improve readability after getting some helpful feedback. More feedback welcome!

A tune from Saber, from Tunis — عز الحبايب

Thu, 06 Jan 2011 07:47:00 -0500

A tune from Saber, from Tunis — عز الحبايب

عاشقة و غلتانة by Shireen i have been very dormant. it must...

Wed, 05 Jan 2011 07:18:00 -0500

عاشقة و غلتانة by Shireen

i have been very dormant. it must continue. in the meantime, a track by Shireen from a CD a bought in Lavapies at shop recommended by /rupture.

my arabic reading/writing was never very good, but i’ve done my best to transcribe the titles of the songs i ripped. unfortunately, i also don’t know what the title of the songs are. it’s good exercise for the brain, so maybe i’ll figure a couple of them out.

I just finished reading “Midnight Robber” by Nalo Hopkinson – an...

Tue, 21 Dec 2010 12:26:00 -0500

I just finished reading “Midnight Robber” by Nalo Hopkinson – an absolutely excellent piece of science fiction. I discovered Hopkinson one day while searching for sci-fi writers of color, since I love Octavia Butler and Samuel Delaney so much, and find their approach to science fiction so refreshingly rooted in realities of humanity. I read Hopkinson’s first book, “Brown Girl in the Ring,” earlier this year, and while I found it a little slow at first, I soon was enchanted and couldn’t put the book down. I dare say, for me at least, “Midnight Robber” is even better.

The story takes places on planets colonized by Caribbeans, and is largely written in patois. It traces the life of the main character from a young girl to adulthood, with all the normal challenges this entails as well as some that are less common but nonetheless real for many young folks. Same-sex love and relationships, gender transgression, and more all appear nonchalantly in the course of the story. These are all reasons to love this book.

Caribbean, particularly Jamaican, outposts are nothing new to science fiction of course. The defining novel of “cyber punk” (“Neuromancer”), after all, included an independent satellite continuously pumping dub. Movies like Predator and Buckaroo Bonzai featured dreadlocked aliens — in the latter case they spoke patois and came to earth to save it from the invasion of other, hostile, extraterrestials. But I think at the end of the day, this book treats it differently. By placing Caribbean folks and culture at the center of the book, rather than playing a supporting role to futuristic whites, it sets itself apart. I also particularly like how Hopkinson blends many Caribbean cultures into one — though not all, as, despite her best efforts, I think Spanish-speaking Caribeños are underrepresented. Nonetheless, it’s a welcome change from the futuristic amalgams of China-Japan-USA-Germany, etc.

But I think that the most intense aspect of the book, for me, is that a key theme is self-hatred and suicidal desires. So many of the phrases echoed in this context reflect my experience and the description of the self-hatred is precisely how I have often felt it – as if two people inhabit my mind, my body, my soul, one telling me to live, one telling me I’m a waste of space and my death would be a benefit to the world. Additionally, Hopkinson deftly portrays the impact and fallout of incest in an incredibly complex and engaging way that few other fiction authors have, I’d say, much less sci-fi authors.

As gut-wrenchingly as some moments in this novel were, in the end it is a tale of hope and survival. More folks should be reading “Midnight Robber” and Hopkinson’s other books.

A public advertisement in Madrid against domestic violence...

Tue, 21 Dec 2010 11:52:52 -0500

A public advertisement in Madrid against domestic violence — “Give a red card to the abuser.”

—-

One of the most interesting realizations I had during Guiseppe’s amazing workshop about the Museo Travesti del Peru (see Dec 1 post) was that I experience much less harassment in Madrid that in DC. This came during our discussion of places of both pleasure and violence – when Giuseppe challenged us not just to identify places where others experience violence and pleasure, but to identify places where we personally had felt pleasure and/or faced violence. As I considered where I had experienced violence, whether physical or otherwise, in Madrid, and compared it to DC, I realized that I had had very few moments of sexual or gender harassment since being in Spain. In DC, I get cat-called or homophobic/transphobic harassment almost everyday, often several times a day. A far cry from the very few moments of such harassment that I’ve had in Madrid.

Ironically, Guiseppe’s framing of the question hits on an issue I’ve thought a lot about and talked through with some friends. Most of my friends are girls, whether trans or not. Moving through public space, those of us who are trans often experience the same sexual advances of men in the street and other space as my non-trans female friends, as well as, for some of us, transphobic and homophobic harassment. Both these types of verbal violence can sometimes lead to physical violence, no matter who is targeted.

Having lived in my neighborhood for about ten years now, I know the block that I avoid because the guys there incessantly subject me to harassment on the basis of being trans – singing “Chi-chi man,” calling out “That’s a dude!” or whatever else. I also know the blocks where I can be sure to get at least one “Hey mami” or “You lookin real good.” For me, at the end of the day, I vastly prefer the latter. When I’m feeling down or rough, sometimes it can feel like a (dysfunctional though it may be) compliment and affirmation of my womanhood. And even on the shittiest of days, at least it’s not guys singing about dousing me in gasoline and lighting me on fire.

Some of my trans female friends actively seek and enjoy (at least on the surface) the same sexual advances in public that many of my non-trans female friends can’t stand. Depending on the day, my mood, the person, and other factors, I may feel one way or the other. And while I feel it’s wrong for a friend to yell at a guy sexually harassing her “Woman don’t want that!” I also don’t think it’s right for another female friend, while enjoying being hit on, to give the impression that all women enjoy it. There must be a way to recognize the role that sexual harassment plays in maintaining patriarchy and sexism, while also affirming that not every single woman finds it violating – and that those who feel that way are not guilty of not being “conscious” enough.

Obviously an important aspect of any system of oppression is division – pitting different oppressed folks, and those experiencing the same form of oppression, against each other. White supremist patriarchy, or patriarchal white supremacy, demands that we choose whether sexism or racism is the worse form of oppression. Heterosexism demands that gays, lesbians, and bisexuals argue about who has it worse. So it’s only natural for sexual harassment, as a tool of sexism, to divide women. And where it intersects with transphobia, to further cause divisions. To beat it then, we need to understand each others’ experiences, acknowledge them as simultaneously real rather than mutually exclusive, and figure out the best ways to respond to it. That’s easier said than done, though.

sorry i have been so quiet. i haven’t been able to get to a place with good internet, and ours...

Thu, 16 Dec 2010 19:17:00 -0500

sorry i have been so quiet. i haven’t been able to get to a place with good internet, and ours at the piso is terrible. updates coming soon.